My life has been a series of twists and turns, of risks and adventures, that I would have never chosen for myself but that the Lord chose for me and saw fit to draw me into.
He has drawn me into a full on love story with Him.
When I look back, I can’t help but be amazed at all the places He has taken me.
Yes, around the world, but more so in His heart.
I don’t count it as anything too special to have been to six or so countries now. It means nothing really, without Him. He is what made it. It was all with Him.
And that’s what He promised to me over seven years ago.
“it’s going to be wild, it’s going to be great, it’s going to be full of me.”
[ “Come Away” by United Pursuit ]
And it’s true. What He has said would come to pass has. It has been wild.
I have been to crazy places and seen wild sights. I have seen a cheetah, a rhino. I’ve witnessed every religion mashing together in a culture bursting with people. I’ve learned other languages. But what is more wild is the way that people live together, and the journey He has us on together and with Him. It’s unpredictable. It’s messy. It’s scary sometimes. It takes you to places far from comfort and forces out every inch of sin and insecurity that has been left to fester beneath the surface of pretense and “fine.”
Wild is far from fine.
Wild was not quite what I wanted to sign up for at first, especially this time around.
Wild was overrated in my heart. I much preferred calm, cautious, planned. The known. I prefer routine. I prefer familiar.
But wild is out of control. I think I have said that phrase more than any other in the last nine months. Because it’s true. There are so many things and people that are just plain out of control (That’s why self control is a fruit of the Spirit).
Wild has forced me to let go and embrace the messy. It has gone against every fiber that has been ingrained into my being. But I have had to let go and choose to not stress out when things don’t go as planned. Even when people mess up and do really stupid things, grace forces me to embrace the wild.
But wild doesn’t mean that there isn’t still a natural order, that wrong won’t be punished or that righteousness won’t be upheld. The wild is interesting…. it seems to have no order and it seems to be barbaric. But there is a natural rhythm that works itself out if you just let it. Consequences to foolishness catch up to you eventually. Doing right reaps a harvest of blessing if you let life pan out before you. There is a natural order to things, and that is a relief to my soul that craves justice and right living. Righteousness. (PS that’s the proverbs).
So wild is okay. I am okay with wild now. The wild is not outside of the righteousness the Lord designed. And I cannot control the wild. But I must let the wild learn to control itself and choose according to what is good and true and just. The wild has to work itself out sometimes. And wild is good- it allows us to not be tamed, to not be stuck. It allows us to choose our own way and be better, richer, because of it. It is deeper to have truly tasted and seen and then choose the way to life, than it is to have been caged and groomed and told to choose this way or that. Taste and see- really taste and see, and choose the way your heart will go.
That is what wild has taught me.
And because of the wild, I have found what is great. Greatness does not parade in the streets. Greatness is quiet and humble. Greatness comes without seeking itself out for the sake of pride and acknowledgment. True greatness is never known on the surface. Greatness is known in the intimate moments. Greatness is cultivated in the secret, in the quiet, in the small choices.
Greatness is changing the toilet paper roll when no one knows you are doing it. Greatness is saying no to your flesh even though gratifying its cravings would satisfy some surface level desire in the moment. Greatness is saying yes to the process in order for what you know is worth it in the end. Greatness knows how the wild will work out and chooses its course accordingly.
Greatness believes in other people. Greatness is full of integrity. Greatness is wisdom.
And wisdom is only possible when you know the Wise King. It is only possible when you walk intimately with Him, when you come to Him and hear the beat of His heart. When you learn what He loves. When you learn His will and learn to love it as your own. When you love His will more than your own, you will find true life. And that is greatness.
That is why my life is great.
People may not know how great my life is, but I do. My life is rich- richer than it could ever be if I chose my own way.
I get to witness miracles every day. I live in the shadow of His wing and in the protection of His covering. I live in His blessing and out of His abundance.I see fruit growing in the vineyards we tend to together.
My life has had some hard times, but that’s not what I remember. That is not what marks my life.
My life is marked by choices that have forced me to give up my fleshly desires- to put aside my own desires for that of His, for His people.
But it has saved me to choose His will and not my own. Without His will, I would have surely died.
When I chose Him, I chose life.
When I died to myself, I came to life.
That is true greatness. It’s on the other side of all the things you thought you wanted but you’ll find really don’t matter.
He is all that matters.
Which is why the promise of my life being full of Him is more than I could ever ask for- more than I could ever dream of for my life.
He is all I want.
And at the end of all these journeys, all the mountains, the valleys, the daily choices…
He is there.
Always. And He is all that remains and all that will remain. He is all that matters.
And when He fills my life- every part of my life- I am fully content. I have all that I need.
He is glorious. He is real.
And every moment of my life is saturated with His love. This whole journey, He has been there. Filling my life with His goodness.
In the hardest of moments, when I wanted to quit. When I nearly lost myself. When I felt alone. When no one understood. When I barely understood myself. When I was torn between my flesh and my spirit and I sometimes gave in to the fleeting desires of my flesh because I just wanted comfort…
He was there. Fully.
And He is the only thing I say Yes to now.
Because He is all that remains.
The approval of man- it will flee faster than the sun sinks beneath the horizon.
The thrill of adventure- it will soon fade when your safety is threatened and your ankles swell on a fifteen hour flight. When you are tired of sweating and cold showers are all you have. When you just want to speak English and understand what others are saying. When at the end of the day, you find that adventure really satisfies nothing inside of you. Adventure for adventure’s sake is meaningless.
You can’t even do it just for other people. They are screwed up and will let you down time and time again, and will make it harder than you ever thought possible to extend grace to over again.
They are HIS people. You can only do it for Him.
He is the one who loves them, and wants them.
He is the one who loves YOU.
He is the one who loves me. Who cares for me when no one else does. Because He wants to. He wants to be that person.
And He will fight to love you in every moment of the journey.
Lord, thank You for the journey.
For the adventure.
Thank You for the wild, for the great, for the fullness of Your presence in every step of the way.
